This morning as I looked at my steaming cup of tea I could feel the steam lapping at my lips teasing me like a dream. A bit of unresolved mystery of a fleeting moment. A moment that feels so real, but is evaporating at the same time. So much of my life is like this right now. Moments where I just sit in the fog of what I’m missing. What I feel my life could’ve been, should’ve been with all my children. I find myself missing moments he should be here, I should still be pregnant. What would our life have looked like?
There’s still times it feels like a bad dream, a fog that has settled that I should awaken. Then the fog lifts and I’m reminded that this is no dream. My nightmares of sorrow coming true over and over. There’s not a day that my thoughts don’t turn to you.